not to parents: failure to launch

Note to parents (mine included):
This has been bugging me for a while now and I'm sure it will offend some of you but it needs to be said.

If your adult son is still at home and you want to give him a nudge to make him get on with life, do not hire a forty-something skank from New York that smokes like a freight train to do this ambiguous yet meretricious task.

While this may sound good on paper in a Paramount Motion Pictures office while being pitched by a Hollywood type with terminal ADD, it would not work in real life or as a film.

As I see it, you have three options:

1.) Your son is a loser. It's your fault. Deal with it.

2.) Stop babying him. Take back the credit card, give him the boot, change the locks.

3.) Hire Sarah Jessica Amber Tina Marie Jennifer Parker to live with you and do nightly performances of her roles from Little Orphan Annie and Square Pegs. Your son will be gone the first night.

(Warning: Do not allow Jami Gertz to assist, this will ruin everything.)
(If you don't know what Square Pegs is, consider yourself blessed) If that link requires membership, try this. Episodes from this show are authorized by the CIAfor interrogator use in torture of terror suspects.

(I do not live at home by the way.)

This is your son launching after the "Annie" option.